just a regular saturday night

speech slurred.
stumbled steps.
aching for a warm body next to mine.

drunk texts and patient friends, the ritual known far too well.

the liqour, a temporary crutch to the pain i feel inside.
i wish i was stronger.
why must i feel the need to black out my thoughts and feelings?

the better question of course is how did i wind up hurt?
again.
i was there for you, gave you advice and tried to make you forget.
all i ever asked for was a chance.
a chance to show you i was different
that i would give you all of me: my heart, my love, my attention.
but you couldn't be persuaded. your opinion jaded.

the moment she looked your way you were gone.
and i was left to pick myself up off the ground.
the good times simply forgotten.

as hard as i try, i cannot forget those nights.
the dances, the almost car crashes, skinny dips, and concerts.
i thought i could make you see you were better off.

i, of course, failed.
letting you, and especially myself, down.

every song reminds me of how close i felt.
every fucking one.
but then i realize, you never wanted that.
you wanted her.
but the songs play on.

when you think happiness, i hope you think that little black dress
my head on your chest, and those old faded blue jeans<3